Things I Have Learned This Week

It's a picture of a caterpillar. How nice.








Here are some things you should never do if you value your sanity.


1: Don't get out your debit card if you are walking somewhere and you are holding elebenty-million things. You will drop it, and when you go to buy a sandwich (the reason you got it out in the first place, and you were starving so you got it out super-preemptively) you will have NOTHING. You will also not have any cash on you. You will have to walk home, too, because you were planning to get out cash for the bus when you purchased your sandwich.

2: Don't try to be all classy and color-coordinated by switching handbags every couple of days. you will
a) go to buy alcohol and realize your ID is in your other bag
b) go to buy alcohol and realize your money is in your other bag
c) a combination of above factors.

3: Don't just assume that it won't rain. It will. You will be in a short-sleeved t-shirt and get saturated. It will be a white t-shirt too and everyone will see your goods.

4: Don't let your little brother borrow your CD's. Sure, it's flattering that he wants to listen to the same music as you. It's not flattering that he doesn't actually give two fucks about them and will either lose/scratch/shatter them.

5: Don't ask your mother for favors. She will ABSOLUTELY hold it against you next time she wants a favor, and trust me, her favor will be twenty times more elaborate and time-consuming than the one you asked for.

6: Codeine and alcohol are not friends. You will pass out. Trust me.

7: Don't pour milk into your coffee without smelling it first.

8: Don't go for six months without paying your cellphone bill. Yeah, they'll cut you off, and then with alarming rapidity refer your overdue account to debt collectors. Bastards.

9: For the love of God, do not leave your laptop open unattended around your roommates. You will look at your Facebook status two days later and see that "Ellie likes to suck cock" is your status update. Also on Twitter. And on Google Buzz.

10: Finally, never, NEVER wear shoes of dubious comfort out of the house. They pinch a little now? in twenty minutes you will be in SHEER AGONY.

It's been a good week.