I am possibly the worst. Studier. Ever. I leave everything until the last minute and then procrastinate my way through paragraphs and paragraphs of dubiously-researched waffle. It alarms me on a regular basis that I generally get fairly average/decent marks.
Around 1am, the night before a due date, the crazies begin to set in. Here are some random thoughts from this delightful frame of mind.
Why do people have ocean-themed bathrooms? Does the sound of the toilet flushing remind them of the ocean or something?
I wonder what it would be like to be a cat. I'd have fur and shit. I'd be able to lick my own ass.
Smarties are such obscure colours when you compare them to Pebbles and MMs. That funny beige colour, for instance. Really? You wanna put that in your mouth?
Why can't I find sunglasses like Laura Palmer's in Twin Peaks?
What's the opposite of androgenous?
The tip of my nose is getting more bulbous, I swear. Last time I checked it was way smaller. I'm gonna need rhinoplasty at this rate.
Who gets to decide what the flavour/colour correlations of candy? Who gets to choose if yellow is banana, pineapple or lemon flavoured? WHAT KIND OF CREDENTIALS DO THEY HAVE?
Why do so many people have difficulty with punctuation and grammar? It's getting to universal epidemic proportions. I feel like some kind of genius for knowing the difference between they're, there and their.
Who gets to choose what fashion styles are in or out? Who gets to say that bell-bottoms are coming back in? WHAT KIND OF CREDENTIALS DO THEY HAVE?
If I were an oompa-loompa, would I be attracted to oompa-loompa men?
I wonder what I would look like with a fuck-tonne of piercings.
I wonder what I would look like with a fuck-tonne of tattoos.
If I were getting a tattoo, what would I get?
If I were getting a piercing, where would I get it?
I wonder how much it hurts to get your penis pierced.
I don't have a penis so I will never know.
I wonder if it's like nipples? If so, I wonder how much nipple piercings hurt.
What does green taste like? Is it apple? pear? lime? avocado? pistachio? mint? Surely there is a standard green taste.
I wonder what it's like to give birth.
Who made up time? That whole seconds/minutes/hours/days/weeks/months/years thing must have taken fucking ages to work out.
Why am I still awake?
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