Everybody has crushes. The problem is, it’s very hard to tell if the person you are crushing on is compatible to your personality and lifestyle. Take a rational approach and follow these quick and simple steps to stalking your crush. Find out if they’re the one for you!
1. You must know their full name. It’s good to have their date of birth as well.
2. Google them. It’s likely that this will link you to all their social media sites, which is the best way to start out your stalking.
3. Go on to their Facebook or Myspace and look at their photos. You can usually do this unless they’ve been stalked before and have made their privacy settings tighter.
4. By looking through their photos you will be able to find out where they hang out, who with, and whether or not they are single. It’s not really important if they’re single or not though, you will probably be able to scare off the competition with your knife.
5. It is best to try and find a mutual friend. You can latch onto this friend and they will be your “in” to all of the social events that your crush attends.
6. Do not let the mutual friend get ideas about you. As attractive and irresistable as you are, you must spurn them. Your crush must not have competition.
7. When you are at social events with your crush, do not try and insinuate yourself into their conversations. It is likely that your good looks and winning charm will make them change their demeanour to win you over. Instead, stand within earshot of existing conversations your crush is having. That way you get to see if they are appropriate for you or not.
8. It’s time to see what they do all day! It’s so cliché to hide in bushes or sit in cars outside their house. Instead, try a more creative approach. If you’re wealthy, harness surveillance technology and install a camera to look on their house. If you’re poor, try sitting up a very leafy tree. It might get uncomfortable, but at least you’re original.
9. If at any time you get the chance, sneak into their house and look at their bedroom. You can tell a lot about people by the books they read and the colour of their wallpaper.
10. You are now ready to approach your crush! It’s been proven that it’s unwise to let on that you know so much about them. Let them do the talking. You will find that with an already intimate understanding of them, you will be able to pre-empt almost their every desire.
