The internet forsakes thee

What do you do when the internet dies?

This is the question at the forefront of everybody's minds. The internet is our lifesource, what keeps us from slitting our wrists, what keeps us from being committed to the insane asylum. This is why asylums are so little spoken of in the modern age.

So what do you do when the internet forsakes you and decides to not work? Here are some suggestions.

1) Scream and run in circles. It is not productive, but it is valid.

2) Curl up into the foetal position and rock. It is less intrusive than the screaming but has a similarly cathartic effect.

3) Yell at the internet. It won't hear you and this may only aggravate you further.

4) keep hopefully refreshing the same page in a psychopathically repetitive fashion.

5) Go and yell at the person who holds the internet account. They're probably responsible, and if they're not, who cares - they are now.

6) Call up your ISP and yell at the sweet 18-year-old call centre representative. It's probably their fault.

7) Throw your computer across the room. Try not to smash the screen, you might regret it later. Throw it softly if possible.

8) Call your mum and yell at her. She loves abuse.

9) Go for a walk. Didn't see that coming, did you?

10) Go to sleep. The internet will probably be over its illness when you awake.